Assault On Prison 13
Assault On Prison 13.
Sometimes you ask yourself, "If I break this damn window with my car and try to steal the money machine....I will earn a 5 star vacation for two years"...... involving play stations, comfy beds, coffee and tea service, wide screen TV's and 5 star restaurant food".
Well here it is:
Modern, outsourced, open door policy.
IMPORTANT: Clients are not called "inmates" or "prisoners", that would be demeaning. Terms like "warden" or "guard" are non-positive, so the term "Helper" being preferred. The Head of the Clients commitee, chosen by and from the Client Cartel residents, are actively involved in the choice of Helpers. Those not with the program have been surplussed and provided negative employee retention. It is with regret that harsh words were used on some Clients when they made some ex-Helpers non-operative personnel and buried them in the local woods.
Contrary to claims from hyperbolic pensioners, there is a high return of offenders who supposedly "abscond" from the system. For example, the alleged shortage of Clients clearly changes on Methadone Mondays and Conjugal Fridays, and indeed the clients often bring their friends so there are often more there than officially on the registers. Lawyers have an office on site, are available on call 24/7 to sue over overcrowding. Claims may also be made due the large amounts of biosolids accumulating pretty much everywhere.
Cells are open plan. If damaged by clients, this is because they are not receiving sufficient stimulus, and more of the latest arcade machines are being installed.
Aiming to Rehabilitate clients.
Training: full training on computer website and phonelines are provided, along with popular courses on extortive malware with banking and credit card activities. Growing potted plants and mushrooms is also popular.
Conjugal Visits - the incentive of conjugal visits means that inmates are strongly motivated to comply with the various day-to-day rules and regulations of the prison. Also known as the Extended Family Visit, several families have moved on site permanently. There is no requirement for them to be married, as this would infringe their civil liberties.
Compassion Zone: Some families have moved on site during EFV's and indeed have set up small markets selling goods obtained from the local villages. Many vehicles borrowed from villagers are also kept there. Classed as a culturally-deprived environment means it receives additional funding.
K-9's are popular with the prisoners who arrange entertainments with them.
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[NB: Unfortunately Dunjinni Maps are a bit small to show tennis courts and full size swimming pools.]
Equally unfortunately, the local villages have engaged in major non-positive programs of Hesco barrier construction, in a manner violating Clients human dignity. Councils have been instructed to offer the villagers Budget Reinforcement to pay for improvements in Client / public relations.
Ungood: there is some worry that villagers have formed what they call a "militia" to harass Clients. Central Government Riot Police have been informed. Once dispersed the militiamen will be housed in an old quarry receiving conformity experiments while on a low protein diet with educational programs being shown on a continual loop. They Must Accept or be depopulated.
Will the evil terrorist militiamen harass our vulnerable Clients?
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Date: 08/13/2009
Owner: ProBono
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